Horoscopes • September 2021
A loose interpretation of the celestial skies, with particular reference to September.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Happy Birthday!
Virgos are likely to have to deal with many misconceptions due to the innocent seeming nature of their star sign, but smart Virgos can play this to their advantage. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is far more dangerous than a wolf in wolf’s clothing. So if anybody makes the mistake of thinking you’re a bit green around the gills it’s ok to inflict maximum humiliation.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Libras are very fond of explaining their actions or their feelings using rationale and thereby dodging any unpleasant complications. But try following your emotions instead. It’s a bit like going off-road: the dreary matter of transporting yourself from A to B will undoubtedly take longer, but it will be way more fun. Sometimes the bumpy road is the best.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
Every once in a while your tolerance for the mundane and everyday hits zero. Forget mowing the lawn. If you’d rather devour an entire box of soft-centres while watching your favourite weepy movie, or go spelunking with your most adventurous buddies, resistance is futile this month.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
It may be difficult to foster smooth bonds on the career front this month. Some people just don’t want to open their eyes and see the world as you see it, and no amount of gentle coaxing will sway them. Oh well, their loss. Cheer yourself up with more funky fluff and sparkle.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
A great month for avoiding long-distance journeys or attending training courses for world-beating new technologies. Of course if you really can’t get out of it, then you’ll manage (needs must when the devil rides and all that), but your sagacious wisdom is needed elsewhere. Keep an eyeball on your radar at all times.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 19)
Your mind’s in the perfect state to bolster your productivity this month. Knuckling down never felt so natural and your to-do list is in serious danger of becoming your all-done list. But you’re not just a clever cog in the machine. Your newfound talent works just as well on play as it does on work. Dig out those bongos!
Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
Take time to look after your body. Eat less, but eat better. Quinoa’s good and easy enough to prepare. And believe it or not green tea is actually a taste you can train yourself to enjoy - almost. Try miso soup instead of coffee, it’s a surprisingly good substitute. You’ll soon be buzzing like a fridge again. And go mad for oily fish!
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
It’s a shame human beings don’t have a ‘pull-for-choke’ button like old cars for those mornings when the engine just doesn’t want to turn over. Torpor will be an unwelcome bedfellow this month so maybe try getting up earlier, instead of ten minutes before your first zoom meeting.
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 20)
It’s all about creativity and/or romance this month, so that should be a lot of fun. The universe has its beady eye on you and seems eager to do something nice, just for you, to make up for the rotten time its been foisting upon you for far too long. Dropping hints is fine but don’t resort to direct exhortations. That’s never been how universes work.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
People notice you in a crowd. Most of you geminis are over six-feet tall (I bet you didn’t know that!) and the shorter ones can outshout a foghorn. This month your visibility is set to peak spectacularly so make sure you have something to say. It would be a shame not to be prepared.
Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Crabs love getting up in the morning and living life to the full. It’s true, ask one! And even though they’re in thrall to the moon and tides, and prey for pretty much everything they encounter, life’s just such a blast. This month it ain’t broke, so don’t waste your time trying to fix it.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Hankering for days past may not be the most productive use of your time, but you’d happily prioritise a trip into town in the olden days with your pals, going round all the cool record shops, over a soulless morning on your streaming engine of choice, clicking on the algorithm’s random suggestions. Nostalgia is your friend.